Playing With Peoples Hearts....to JLS

Sidebar: I know this entry is long but please read in its entirety. This is how I am feeling & I think you will enjoy this. Also, excuse the foul language in the dialogue. It was only included for authenticity purposes.




Male 1: "Yea nigga I got this new bitch that lives up [insert name of any random hood]."

Male 2: "Word Nigga? Damn. What she look like?"

Male 1: "She badd than a mu'fucka yo. Im tryna see if she gon lemme pop tonight."

Male 2: [Laughs] "You crazy as shit nigga. You bet' not let [insert 1 of 5 baby mommas' names] find out. You remember what she did last time!! That bitch crazy as fuck yo!!" [Laughs]

Male 1: [Laughs] "Nigga aint nobody sweatin' that bitch! You know how many bitches I done fucked & she ain't ever find out?? Shit nigga I got like 6 bitches lined up just waitin' to get slayed. Fuck outta here!! [Laughs]

Male 2: "Ard nigga!! Do you...but I wanna have to see yo ass on the fuckin' news in the A.M. cus that bitch done committed a double homicide & shit on you &THAT BITCH!!" [Laughs]

Male 1: "Nigga fuck dese hoes!! I don't trust dese bitches & I don't love dese bitches!! I just FUCK dese bitches!! So if she find out, she just FIND THE FUCK OUT nigga!! [Laughs] What the fuck she gon' do? Aint like she leavin' a nigga!! I got that bitch wrapped around my dick all in love wit a nigga!! I say jump & the bitch say 'How high daddy?' [Laughs] That bitch ain't goin' nowhere & if she do, FUCK HER!! Shit nigga. Like I said, I got other bitches, I keep these hoes on rotate my nigga!!" [Laughs]

Male 2: "My nigga!!" [Daps each other]

     So I had to hit y'all with a small little dialogue so you can better feel where I'm coming from. I don't know what it is about these so called "men" who think its cool to play with hearts. The vast majority of these said "men" take pride in their ability to manipulate women's emotions & actions into getting what they want from them. And an even larger majority of women have fallen prey to it. I'm not judging. I too have been a victim of the "I tell you 'I love you' but really I would never look at you more than just a receptacle for my dick" kinda men. Most women, at some point in their lives, will encounter this exact kind of man. I empathize for these women because there is no worse feeling than putting your emotional all into a person & thinking they have intentions to reciprocate those same emotions & feelings with the same intensity, only to find out that to them you were merely just a play thing to past the time with & develop their craft with.

     That hurt sensation you get, like acid burning in your chest that almost takes your breath away as it slowly travels up your throat then finds its way into your eyes only to be expelled out in the form of tears of your shattered heart....is the WORST sensation one could ever experience. It's a feeling I know all too well. It's almost like the personification of what one would imagine it would be like to have you heart ripped from you chest with a dull blade & just thrown to the ground & spat upon. Who could do that to someone?  Intentionally, no less! You have got to be a really deeply emotionally scarred individual to inflict that kind of pain onto to someone with no regards for their reaction or the outcome of your actions. I find this kind of behavior to be very sadistic, especially when the behavior is repetitive & develops as a pattern these men grow accustomed to using as tactics for personal gain. I find that the sadistic nature of their actions are displayed clearly from the enjoyment they receive when they receive the fruits of their labor as a result of what they do. They hold no regard for the pain they inflict or even the long-term effects of it because they gain from it. I am truly tired of men, especially men in my community [the black community], who feel it is their right as a MAN to do these things to women! It's treated almost as if it is a rite of passage! It is widely acceptable to many. There are even women who simply write it off as "a man just being a man" and accept it.

     I sit here & type this entry as the tears flow from my eyes like a swelling river onto my keyboard because that familiar pain of regret, repulsion & rejection has decided to creep back up into my spiritual core that is filled with so much love to give but there are no qualified recipients within a 100-mile radius. I just cannot understand why #PlayingWithPeoplesHearts is trending among people in my demographic. I could never imagine myself unleashing this kind of torture on someone's unsuspecting heart. This whole "Being a pimp" movement is just so ridiculously stupid to me because what is being a pimp really accomplishing you? What, material things? A shot of new pussy every now & again? Accolades among other "ain't shit niggas"? Like...someone please tell me. I am truly TIRED of having my heart played with. I feel I am a good woman. I can cook. I clean. I'm a great mother. I genuinely care about people. I'm dedicated & loyal. I'm smart & funny. I have dreams & aspirations that I am making strides to make a reality. And those are just only a few of my good qualities. What man wouldn't want that in a woman? I'll tell you what kind...a poor excuse for one. 

We as a society apply that term "man/men" too loosely to these male specimens. My definition of a man is:  

A male who is secure & confident in himself & needs no material things or superficiality to validate himself as an individual. He is his own person and does not follow others just to prove himself among his peers. He values, cherishes, provides [in every sense of the term] for the people closest to him. He showers his woman [note: singular] with all the adoration & love she could ever imagine. He nurtures his children & keeps them safe from all harm. He respects people & is influential, not just by his words but by his actions.

He is a MAN.

     Anything less than that, I feel is just a boy in man's clothing. Men, REAL men do not play with hearts. They do not manipulate, take advantage, & deceive for personal gain. Only an adult male [who is really a damaged & misguided little boy internally] will play the games they play. Do you think you have one up on the women you play? Not by a long shot. In reality, you are the weak ones & we, the women whose hearts you've victimized & emotionally raped...WE are the strong ones, because eventually we stop crying, we pick ourselves up, and we begin to love again...OURSELVES. We as women need to stop settling for good enough because we feel that "he is the best that'll come along" because for some reason or another you feel you are not worthy of the man who truly deserves you. We need to build ourselves up and begin to accept & love everything about ourselves, flaws & all. You cannot change a flaw until you accept it & begin to love it, because that love for yourself, whatever flaws you may feel you have, will be the driving force & motivation for you to improve yourself so you can attract a better quality of MAN, one who is eager to work hard to maintain your happiness & well-being. We are QUEENS, women. Stop letting the common folk [the ain't shit niggas] come over to play in our gardens & deteriorate our inner core. Preserve that for you KING because one day he will come. Just stop looking for him. A man's job is to hunt & chase the woman. Not the other way around.

     And to the perpetrator of the assault on my heart [JLS....who I hope is led here by a stroke of chance & reads this entry in its entirety], I truly feel sorry for you. You don't get too many opportunities to encounter a person who is genuine on all levels & would go to the ends of the world for you. I don't how many more opportunities you have left for an encounter like that, but you just missed one. I don't hate you. I pity you. I even feel a little sympathy for you. Almost enough to say my heart is suffering from borderline Stockholm Syndrome for you. You are obviously a wounded soul who kidnapped my heart but yet doesn't know which way to fly so you're on a downward spiral & I refuse to let you take me down with you any further.  I will not let the hurt you've inflicted upon me transform me into a bitter caricature of myself & destroy the  potential blessings God has for me. I encountered you because God wanted our paths to cross. I thought they crossed because they would one day merge into a union of eternally love & respect until death do us part. But I was wrong. They crossed because God used you as vessel to teach me something and boy have I learned. So I do not hate you. I love you more [as a human being] because you are one of the misguided & hard to love people who clearly never received enough love or even gained knowledge on how to love. I pray that whatever is the root of your mentality & attitude toward women & your blatant disregard for us is discovered & you find your way to God so he can cleanse you of it & lead you to a resolution. I'm no angel, so I am not judging you. My curiosity for the origins of your obvious pain & unfortunate viewpoints is partially the reason I kept the blinders of denial on for so long & tolerated your behavior. We all have issues. But it is up to us to resolve them in a healthy manner. I sincerely wish this for you. I hope you find God because no one is promised tomorrow & at the rate that you are playing with hearts....you just cut your odds in half. 

Peace be with you JLS. I sure hope you find it.